It’s been a long and tough day with some
recreational breaks. I helped my friend pick out what to wear for a party we’re
both supposed to be attending but I don’t feel massively up for it. My mood is
probably in the negatives right now, and there’s not much I can do to change
it.
I think the main emotion I feel at this
moment is embarrassment. I feel very much like I get into things that make me
feel so crazy happy that I shout it from the rooftops only to realise it probably
isn’t what I think it is. To feel like I prioritise people who don’t prioritise
me, and being caught up on little details to support the idea that I’ve got it
right and things will be fine when quite frankly it isn’t. It always makes me
consider: what is my next move? When do I become realistic with myself? How do
I differentiate my pursuit and my reality?
I get the feeling that I deserve the
horrible things that happen to me and I feel at fault for a good degree for
putting myself in these situations that don’t benefit me enough.
It’s not been a good day, 3/10 is probably
optimistic.
Sorry for the 3/10 blog post.
